I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
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