Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
