so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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