if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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