it's too hot outside to masturbate.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
