We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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