I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
