No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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