I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
