My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
