Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
