Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
