Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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