I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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