My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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