I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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