good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
