I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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