apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
not ubering you a puppy
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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