Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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