There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
