Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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