I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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