He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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