I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
