I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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