People in love make me want to vomit
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
