Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
you are never too drunk for berry picking
and you fell through a lawn chair
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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