Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize
