Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
