make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
