i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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