Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
