Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Two words: blizzard sex
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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