All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
