peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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