i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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