Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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