Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
