I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
