I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
That accounts for only three of the penises
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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