we have pet lesbian snakes
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
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