just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
