He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
