Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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