we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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