i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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