I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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