i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
