Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
