lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
