everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
