I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
You need Xanax blowdarts
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
