TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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