I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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